Life Lessons From A River

"What makes a river so restful is that it doesn't have any doubt. It knows where it is going and it doesn't want to go anywhere else." - Hal Boyle

Do you have doubts whenever you are required to make an important or big decision in life? For me, I have to admit that sometimes even the smallest of choices encountered daily can make me feel doubtful. It is scary to think that a person's life journey is actually determined by the accumulation of the choices he or she makes throughout their lifetime. When I reflect on what my decisions were in the past, it is clear which were the few that were pivotal and have led me to where I am today.

Was I doubtful when I made those decisions? Absolutely! Have I regretted making any of those key choices? No, at least not at this point in time. So how did I overcome the doubt that I had and made choices that until today, I still don't regret? Looking back, what stood out when I made those key decisions was having a clear sense of purpose. It was clear to me what my interests were and what I hope to achieve several years down the road (I had a 10 year road map back when I was 20 years old). After exploring several options and understanding the risks that each of them entails, having the courage to make a decision and commit to it was critical for my progress in life.

Going back to Hal Boyle's quote on how the river flowed with clear intention, as if without a tinge of doubt. Was that always the case throughout the life of the river? I beg to differ.

Let us take a step back and rewind the hands of time to examine how a river is formed. A river is formed over long periods of land erosion and sediment deposition by the flow of water (usually from rain or as meltwater from snow deposited at the mountain tops). The route of the river was never pre-determined but rather, it came to be after years of "exploration" to find the shortest or easiest path towards the sea. Here, you would come to realise that the long and elaborate process of a river formation is actually driven by a very powerful yet invisible force - gravity.

The First Insight

So what insights have I distilled from the example about the river? The first insight would be to always have a clear sense of purpose, as that will act as a powerful guiding force for one to explore the imminent doubts and challenges in life, and overcome them with courage and conviction. Extending this lesson to society, it is evident why there are people who can make decisions confidently, and are happy and at peace with what they possess or are doing in life. It is likely attributed to the fact that they know what they want, and how the specific decisions/actions taken can lead them towards their desired end state. In the other camp, there are others who are often overwhelmed by doubt, always worried about the decisions they make. They just never seem to be able to figure out what is really important to them, neither satisfied nor at peace despite their achievements or possessions. Worst, they might end up remaining in their comfort zones, stagnant in their pursuit of life while the world around them progresses forward.

Regrettably, I came to realise that I had slowly drifted into the latter camp over the years due to the onset of busyness from work and adulting. It became apparent when I found myself stuck in a daily grind, having lost the spark of looking forward to a meaningful pursuit for something in the near future. Before I knew it, the goals that I had set 10 years ago were already accomplished and I found myself staring blankly towards the vacuum that lies ahead for the coming years.

The Second Insight

This leads me to the second insight - stay adaptable and flexible to changes as it is always happening around us. Back to the example of the river, its route is always changing. Gradually and slowly, almost invisible to the naked eye. Natural processes such as erosion and deposition along the meandering river channels occurs with time. As the seasons come and go, the river plains and flood banks expand or shrink as it adapts with the external changes as though it was welcoming them. All this while, the river remains flexible with these changes and appears to be restful as its flow continues on downstream despite all the micro changes that are taking place within it.

I thought that I was being adaptable and flexible in life, but it turned out that these were applied in the context of my career instead. Being adaptable at work, I was able to shift resources (personal time and energy) to ensure that I could accomplish tasks that were expected from me regardless whether they were planned or ad hoc. Under stressful situations, I maintained the flexibility to stay calm and collected as I attempted to follow through with my responsibilities to the best of my abilities. In the long haul, it became clear that I was making exceptions for work related matters, often compromising both personal time and mental energy.

Although I am aware that these abilities (adaptability and flexibility) are welcomed and expected by most employers in today's competitive work landscape, what actually went wrong for me was to have my scope of focus and application revolved so narrowly around career. What I thought was personal progress and development was mostly my ability to deal with the daily crisis and manage key performance indicators at work. In a sense, I wasn't adapting my career around my life. Rather, I had adapted my life around my career. Does this resonate with you?

Although both cases sound similar, it is a paradigm shift and the consequences are very different in reality. In the recent years, I had unknowingly prioritised my career and gradually lost sight of my life's pursuits. By extension, I lost clarity on the decisions I needed to make for myself outside of work, as well as the confidence to overcome my doubts when opportunities were presented for me to seize.

Concluding

I realised the importance of regularly reviewing my life's purpose and goals so that I am capable to prioritise and adapt to my current circumstances without losing myself. To be honest, I do not have a definite answer to what my life's purpose is. But what I do have are a few possibilities that resonate well with me and that is sufficient to give me the confidence in knowing what are the decisions I need to make to progress forward. With this, I accept that life is always a work in progress. As the world around me changes (for better or worse), I too must remain self aware, be welcoming of changes as I continue to pave a unique path that I can call my own - just like the river.

I hope that this post has been helpful in highlighting the importance of identifying your purpose in life, and to stay adaptable and flexible to the changes that come your way. I chose to share about this early as the lessons mentioned above has formed the foundation necessary for me to have the courage and energy for other pursuits in life. And I hope that these lessons can do the same for you too.