From Success to Slump: Understanding the Arrival Fallacy and How to Avoid It
Congratulations! After investing a significant amount of your time and effort, you finally achieved that special goal you have set for yourself. But what’s next?
What Is Arrival Fallacy
After that surge of satisfaction and happiness, have you experienced your emotions normalising and even felt a tinge of disappointment that the outcome wasn’t as impactful or lasting as you thought it would be?
If that experience sounds familiar to you, it is likely that you have fallen victim to the arrival fallacy! It is actually a psychological phenomenon that stems from a false expectation of enduring contentment and happiness after achieving that special milestone in your life. Examples of such milestone includes but are not limited to marriage, work promotions or even that once in a lifetime opportunity of winning a big lottery!
How Does Arrival Fallacy Manifest In Your Life
In today’s highly connected world, we are inundated by advertisements, social media posts and news about fame, happiness and often glorified achievements by individuals. Subconsciously, we can be easily influenced by societal norms and expectations whether we like it or not. All you need is a small catalyst, driven by greed or comparison, to create a sense of dissatisfaction or unhappiness with your current life status.
The degree we are influenced therefore depends on our level of self-awareness. If you are not careful, you might just be making life choices based on the opinions and expectations of others. Or, getting yourself trapped in a rat race towards extrinsic goals that doesn’t even matter to you. And when you cross that illusive finishing line, you find yourself asking: “Is that it?”. The reality often falls short of the anticipation, leaving you with a sense of lost and regret.
A Personal Experience And Observation
Participating in national service is mandatory for men in Singapore, and becoming a military officer is a prestigious achievement many strive for. It is because attaining officership meant a high degree of personal fitness, military and leadership capability.
As an officer cadet in the Singapore Artillery, my mates and I had to undergo 9 months of strict training and overseas military exercises before commissioning as Lieutenant officers. Those 9 months were filled with intense motivation and anticipation as everyone of us had that common goal of becoming officers. Sure enough, that special day arrived for those of us who persevered and things took an interesting turn thereafter.
Broadly, I observed two distinct camps of behaviour among my peers. Those who fell into a slump and those who continued to uphold military discipline and responsibility.
Being an officer in the military grants a lot of authority over others in terms of military hierarchy. Some young officers unfortunately got complacent and did not manage their relationship with their seargents and corporals well. It can be very challenging once you have lost the respect and support of your colleagues in an environment that is heavily dependant on teamwork and comoraderie. There are also high expectations and responsibilities for officers in the military. Some officers were caught off guard by the high expectations that came with the military rank. Having endured tough training and experiences to get to where they are now, feelings of regret and dissatisfaction easily manifested after realising that life has only getten harder for them.
Commissioning as officers isn’t the be all end all. There will always be new challenges and expectations going forward. Many individuals often fail to see that life is a continuous and cumulative journey of trials and personal growth. For those officers who understood that principle, they remained motivated, accepted the new challenges head on and pursued personal and professional growth. Coincidentally, they were also the individuals who are personally vested in obtaining officership as compared to others who were driven by external expectations.
The above experience of becoming a military officer is just one out of the infinite possibilities of what an individual’s goal can be. So how can we avoid falling victim to the arrival fallacy?
Preventing Arrival Fallacy
Don’t be mistaken, goals are still important and crucial. As long as the goals are personal and aligns with your values. Referring to my military experience earlier, my peers and I who were intrinsically motivated to achieve officership endured through the military training and persisted in delivering on our responsibilities after commissioning as a military officer. That is because we personally identify with the values and characteristics of what an officer entails.
In a sense, having realistic expectations was also important as we were not caught off guard by the new challenges and responsibilities that came after our milestone. We need to understand that there will be ups and downs after every milestones in each of our unique journey. To be prepared to celebrate the small wins while embracing setbacks and having the humility to learn from each experience. Each of these moments form a collective mosaic of what makes us who we are individually. If we continue to let society distort our expectations, our life’s mosaic will be a collection of disappointments and regrets.
I found that having an anchoring question has worked well for me. And that is: “Can I not enjoy my life now?”. This question triggers self reflection and realisation of the positives in my life at the present moment. Studies have shown that our brains have a natural tendency to hold on to negative thoughts more than the positives. This bias can lead us to over emphasise the issues we face, or the things we think we lack to be happy and satisfied. By asking myself the question above, it helps ground my expectations, practice gratitude and find joy in the present moment. Perhaps, you can come up with your very own anchoring question!
Concluding
Enduring contentment and happiness isn’t achieved through specific goals in life. Instead, these positive moments can be discovered or created on a daily basis by working on pursuits that aligns with our values and beliefs. The opportunities to enjoy life are always present and are found in the present. Live life authentically and give your future self the ability to look back and say that that was a life well lived!
I hope this post has shed light on a new topic for you and provided some guidance on living more authentically. Until next time!